Sometimes listening to silence is the only way to hear

Today, I shut the television off, didn’t listen to the radio and didn’t even talk to myself. After a few days of being in the front car of an emotional rollercoaster, weighed down by life decisions, I just needed to stop.

And I did.

It’s been a while since I’ve done this, being preoccupied with work, errands or socializing but it was just what I needed. I listened to the silence.

I heard the sounds of the city: sirens, people on the street, the rain. I heard people in the hallway of my building: some laughing, children crying and a man talking on his phone.

But what I heard most was myself.

Yes, this sounds romance-novel, coming-of-age cheesy, but it was true. I knew whatever decision I would make about the future, I would be okay. I would find a way to bounce back or shift gears if it was the wrong one and embrace it if it was right for me. Did that help in the actual decision making process? No. But knowing even if I make what I believe is the best one for me right now and it turns out it isn’t, I’ll find a way out of the maze I got myself into.

I also realized the importance of just being. For the past year or so, I’ve been at going at things full-throttle and not making time to read, paint, write or even sing along (badly) to my favourite songs. I didn’t garden anymore, switch around furniture or browse shops with a coffee in hand.

So my fall resolution? Now I would. It’s as simple as that. Not only because I enjoy those things themselves but I enjoy what they bring to me, namely, a vacation for my mind. My brain has been on its hamster wheel going over things at a pace where I’m surprised I haven’t burned out many times over. That stops now.

So world, I’m at the cusp of experience a renaissance! And I couldn’t be more excited!

Screw the cape, I want a foot rub.

I walked a lot today. And this week. Great for the metabolism, bad for the feet.

It's times like this I wish I had bought that messaging foot bath that I saw on sale last year. "When will I use it?" I thought. Now, Past Me. Now.

As much as I'd like to think the Boy is my man servant and I can order him to do these things, I would feel bad.

So I will just think back to the fun times I had that lead up to this to dull the pain. And have some chocolate.

Happy Sunday!

Mr. Sandman

The older I get, the more I realize I need sleep and the more I refuse to give in.

If I get home late from work, I need to wind down and, depending on the day, that can sometimes mean foregoing Zzzs so I can feel like my whole existence is devoted to the daily grind.

Today was one of those days. Now I'm in my PJs, everything in place for a quick wake-up and I'm flopped on the couch watching American Pickers. It's a good episode but nothing I need to watch by any means. I just can't give in!

If I go to bed it shows weakness I tells ya!

Sigh.

Ok. There's just so much old sign bartering a girl can take for one night.

The weekend that just zipped by

I honestly feel like it was just Friday at quitting time. By here I am on Sunday night, in my jogging pants, procrastinating on folding my laundry. It was a weekend that I had planned on just sleeping and relaxing and then – bam! –last minute plans filled things up (in a good way!) with Sunday night making an earlier appearance that expected.

I’m Captain Lazy. Storage Wars is on. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen every episode so it’s just keeping me company. My guy is at work, the laundry I did on Wednesday is judging me for taking this long to fold it and I’m trying to figure out if anything I could wear to work needs to be ironed (likely). Blogging is obviously helping in all the things I have to do. :)

This weekend was actually pretty great! Hung out with work friends, the Boy and hopefully helped put a smile on a friend’s face who was a little down. I had hoped to go shopping for a new everyday purse this weekend, but that was a little sidetracked. No complaints though (although I wish I could just make everyone who needs it happy! I don’t like it when friends are blue).

So there we go. This was probably the most uneventful blog post in history.

To sing you out, a little blast from the past:

Enjoy the last few hours of the weekend!

Well, there goes that resolution

One thing on my long list of new year’s resolutions was to blog more. As we can all see, that didn’t happen. In fact, I sort of regressed into the unblogosphere (better known as real life) without putting pen to paper anywhere, even my journal.

Well, that stops now!

In an effort to catch all -13 of my readers up, here are some new and exciting things I’m doing/have happened/in my perspective on things:

-I joined a popular weight loss program that had ads on TV every 5.6 seconds and rhymes with Bait Botchers. So far, I’ve lost 7lbs and I’m supremely happy with the way it’s going. I’m addicted to the app I downloaded onto my phone and am constantly searching foods and recipes. It’s not painful and that is what I think the key to success will be.

-I’m trying to live life without any regrets and I’ve realised I regret not telling people what I think more. I’m a pretty outgoing person but there are times in non-Boy-related disagreements, I try to be too PC or agreeable. In one situation, I thought that would save it from spiralling out of control. It didn’t. I have now realised that it more has to do with the person you’re dealing with and how they can take honesty or situations. Life’s too short, so if someone else can’t handle you, your opinions or how you handle things (if you’re a normal functioning member of society, I mean. I’m not talking about criminals or the clinically insane), well, eff ‘em. That way you can keep the good in your inner circle and the negative far, far away.

-I’m trying to say yes more to social situations. I focused on some of the wrong people over the past couple of years and pulled away from others, so in an effort to regain connections with those I can relate with more and are good people, I’m trying to get out there as much as possible. It’s like dating but with friendships. And it’s been great. I had been ignoring way too many good people for it to be legal.

-Along with eating better, I’ve also vowed to shop less. That one is harder. I try to stay away from websites as well as shops. So far so good but this long-weekend was filled with aimlessly clicking emails with deals. No purchases yet. But it’s so hard! I found two cute sweaters at Gap, a nice dress at Old Navy and three pairs of discounted boots at Aldo. There was more but I’m limiting what I’m admitting to because well, it’s really unhealthy how much time I spent window shopping on my computer.

That’s a good run-down of some stuff. Let’s hope my resolution will keep in this month. You see, that’s why I make a long list of them – you’re more likely to have at least one of them stick.

One eye open

The theme of the past couple of blog posts has been me lying down. Well, it's *really* been the holidays but they start off with me being sleepy, lazy or full. This one is no different.

My face is smushed into my pillow, one of my eyes covered by fluffy-goodness. I actually set an alarm today since I'm meeting someone for lunch. Alarms over the holidays are unneeded. Especially when they're this early to allow for me to be a sloth.

There's a storm a brewing tonight. Luckily, I made no plans so I may just stay in with my mom and mull wine. Before that, I'd really like to get some boxing week shopping in.

Cross your fingers for me that I get a deal! :) Now to get up so I can use both eyes....

Food coma

I think this year has topped all recent Christmases in the amount of food put in my belly. Which means I've found some way to be horizontal since guests left my mom's place at 9ish.

When I was younger it was worse, since sometimes we would have so many people over we would have to make it buffet-style so everyone would fit. It was a ridiculous amount of tasty treats and everything was so good you just couldn't say no. And there were multiple desserts. Not two or three - we're talking seven. And it would mostly be gone by the end of it.

Now that holidays are less zoo-like, food has been scaled back and I've found a way to stay upright. Not this time. Nope. Wine and turkey means yum-tastic sleepiness. Cheesecake means I need to be rolled everywhere.

So once everyone left, this was my view (below) and I stayed that way until I got upstairs to my old bedroom. Need to sleep this off.

And no doubt breakfast will be leftovers. Ah, the magical holiday season! Merry Christmas!

Merriment = Love and exhaustion

I has been on a pretty good run on this thing until the ultimate time-sucker came into play: Christmas. Don't, get me wrong I LOVE (it needed to be capitalized) the holiday to the point where I'm a Christmas nerd. The carols, the decorations, the good will towards men and the general festiveness of it all turns me into a Christmas Nerd, which is amazing.

But throw in everything I have to do along with it means I'm updating this page from my bed.

...

Ok, so I had to stoping updating this post from bed (hence the "...") because I realised I had to meet someone to give her a gift and would be late. So let's continue.

Great news! I got all my Christmas shopping done! Last gift done - woot! I'm now celebrating by watching On Demand TV shows and teared up a bit at an episode of Parks and Recreation from a few weeks ago. Good times!

So to end off this hodge-podge of a post, Christmas festiveness via Instagram.

Can't sleep, clowns'll eat me

While the reason why I'm lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, blinking isn't an extremely scary clown bed like Bart Simpson, I feel his pain. I have nothing to do tomorrow that's urgent so it's not like I have to be up at a specific hour, but I would have liked to have a good night's sleep.

The Boy is out of town visiting his family so I have the nice, big bed to myself. And even though I miss the warmth of a man next to me, I Love (yes, capital L) starfishing. You know, when you're in bed and just spread your arms and legs out to the point where you look like a starfish. It's so amazing and freeing.

And it's really frustrating that I can't enjoy it.

The reason I'm not in the wonderful land of sleep? I checked my work phone before going to bed and realized I have to tie up some loose ends tomorrow (today, really but it still feels like Saturday) for a things happening on Monday and while it won't take much time on my end, I wanted a dessert utopia of a weekend devoid of work.

I also have a few things stressing me out, but they are things I can't change - for the time being anyways - so I am trying my darndest to just stop thinking about them. Easier said than done for an expert, world class worrier such as myself but I'm going to try and see where that strategy will take me.

For now, I'm wide awake and will probably just watch some TV until I can get sleepy again. And I hope that won't be at nine o'clock at night.

UPDATE: I just bought a pair of boots online. Yeah. I need to sleep before I max out my credit card.

What if....

I've always wondered what my life would be like if I had chosen a different career path. Or even the same career path but a different specialization (so I guess a parallel trail).

There are just so many questions: Would I like it as much? Would I be farther along? Would I make more money? Have less debt? Would I have similar friends? More of them? Less? Would I still be in my home town? Paris?  Be a home-owner? Have a dog?  Have an iguana? Be married? Completely against relationships?

There are more but I figured I'd limit it to 14. (I care about the people). It's the stuff I think about when I'm having a jogging pants and sushi Friday night after a long and busy week.

I really shouldn't complain about where I am right now, but this seems to be the year of reflection for me. I guess I've taken to evaluating my life bit by bit and figuring out where to tweak it. Mostly because I've realised one really important thing this year: life is too short to not have stuff in it that you really want.

Like sushi and jogging pants on a Friday night. :)

Daylight saving what now?

That extra hour of sleep is amazing. Or at least the thought of it is. This weekend, not so much.

After going out with the Boy to celebrate his oldness, he went to sleep and I plopped myself on the couch thinking I'll catch an episode of Storage Wars (which I'm mildly obsessed with now) and head to bed. Not so much. After an hour of konking out on the couch, I dragged myself to bed but just couldn't sleep.

I not only began thinking about what I needed to do the next day but I started to reflect on my entire year - ups and downs and everything. That is not the nice, relaxing beach that I like to picture myself on as I settle into bed.

So despite a really fun weekend spent with friends, the Boy and myself (me time matters, too!), I was ZONKED come Sunday. So tired that I went to bed at nine last night! Now, um, not so much.

My body really needs to get on the sleeping regularly boat because if not, I'll be trying to find Storage Wars marathon to get lost in.

Testing 1, 2, 3

This is post to test the wonderful Blogger app. I'm hoping this will work! C'mon technology, do your thing!

Hope you all are enjoying the weekend!

Cheers!

Salteens, wet hair and a dirty stove

If I could impart any piece of advice to anyone, it wouldn't be about money or career or even cookies (although some are far superior than others). Nope, if I could say just one thing it would be this:

Don't wait a month to clean your stove-top.

I'm now waiting for some sort of spray scrubbing thing to do it's thing so I don't have to use a sponge for another 20 minutes. This is just part of what has been a glamorous Saturday so far.

I've been sitting with semi-wet hair because I was too lazy to blow-dry the whole thing, so I can ultimately use my hair straightener. I also gave myself a (much-needed) pedicure. Let's not forget eating cheese and crackers. Hold on to your hats kids the day may very well continue like this! Woot!

Actually, I have to perform a covert birthday-related operation later, since the Boy's big day is in exactly a week and I have yet to get him anything. Go me! I just don't want to be running around everywhere trying to find him things after work. I have an idea, but given we've given each other budgets this year it may be hard. If only the gift Gods could give me an idea that is both personal and under $50!

...

...

Oh, well I guess since they haven't, I'm on my own!

Now, back to the stove.

It's beginning to feel a lot like winter

Tonight is one of those nights where all you want to do is slap on some jogging pants, drink some hot chocolate and curl up on the couch. It's cold, wet and did I mention cold? The crisp chill of winter is in the air and I'm just not ready for it.

After tying up some loose ends for work, I trekked out in the ick weather to meet a friend for coffee. We had a great chat, but I couldn't help by think how this year went by so fast! Most of the people I know say the year has zipped right by and but it doesn't hit you until it hits you. Alright, that sounds a little nutso but it makes sense in my head. Logically, I know that it's almost November but it's as though the calendar just slapped me in the face.

Plus side: Christmas is coming! I'm almost unhealthily obsessed with the holiday. The lights, music and just warmth of the season just puts me in an uber-positive mood. The Boy even bought me my first Christmas ornament of the season. (Feel free to judge!)

I love him! He's so cute and makes me giggle.

Anyways, I hope that we get a third-wind of summer or at least an extension of fall-proper until mid-December. I refuse to bust out the winter jacket until then!

A little perspectlive from the 90s

One time in high school, after a friend got mad at me because her bestie asked me to be her lab partner instead of her, I was feeling a little down. We had a motivational speaker come to our school a few days later and it really made me feel better, along with everyone else who was required to see him in third period. So much so, that we all stuck around after his speech to thank him. Afterwards, a "friend" I confided in about the lab partner issue told me if I acted as fun and giggly as I did after that motivational speech, I would have no problems finding new friends or keeping old ones. In hindsight, that person wasn't really my friend and turned out to be mad at me because I wasn't HER lab partner (gotta love high school, right?) but it got me down again.

Fast-forward to now, way too many years removed from high school for things like this to matter. I was also recently given tips on how to make friends. Obviously, I now know that true friends don't do that. I also know that life is too short to even care about what other people think. I'm usually good about letting things roll off my back but sometimes it's just a little harder.

It's funny though, I randomly thought about this incident from back in the day, which made be think about the recent situation, not the other way around. I guess that shows that I didn't care as much as I thought I did. Definitely a good thing.

It's also awesome that this silliness has made me realize something in my old age (oh, yes, I'm getting there folks): It truly is about the quality of friends, not the quantity. And in an odd and twisted way, actually realizing it (not just thinking about it) kinda makes me want to shout out "THANK YOU!" to all that made me believe it this year - either through being amazing friends or, um, "other".

This isn't just a silver lining, folks, it's a gold pair of shoes!

A fresh start

I've had a lot of bad luck with blogs in the past. A case of near-stalking, a misunderstanding, meeting a sociopath and well, let's just say there have been enough situations to fill the pages of a novel one day. In hindsight, these will be either great stories or things I'll forget because either the players or situations were so insignificant but right now, even a few years removed, I continue to shake my head.

So I'm starting fresh here! This will be a place to talk about what I want without any of the past silliness (fingers crossed!). Plus it coincides with my new outlook on life - more positive! It's something I should have adopted a long time ago! I've always tried to be happy-go-lucky but I would let the bad stuff drag me down, internally anyways. 

Being thirty-ish is as good a time as any to make this kind of change! And heck, why not do little writing along the way! Let the good times roll....