Sometimes listening to silence is the only way to hear

Today, I shut the television off, didn’t listen to the radio and didn’t even talk to myself. After a few days of being in the front car of an emotional rollercoaster, weighed down by life decisions, I just needed to stop.

And I did.

It’s been a while since I’ve done this, being preoccupied with work, errands or socializing but it was just what I needed. I listened to the silence.

I heard the sounds of the city: sirens, people on the street, the rain. I heard people in the hallway of my building: some laughing, children crying and a man talking on his phone.

But what I heard most was myself.

Yes, this sounds romance-novel, coming-of-age cheesy, but it was true. I knew whatever decision I would make about the future, I would be okay. I would find a way to bounce back or shift gears if it was the wrong one and embrace it if it was right for me. Did that help in the actual decision making process? No. But knowing even if I make what I believe is the best one for me right now and it turns out it isn’t, I’ll find a way out of the maze I got myself into.

I also realized the importance of just being. For the past year or so, I’ve been at going at things full-throttle and not making time to read, paint, write or even sing along (badly) to my favourite songs. I didn’t garden anymore, switch around furniture or browse shops with a coffee in hand.

So my fall resolution? Now I would. It’s as simple as that. Not only because I enjoy those things themselves but I enjoy what they bring to me, namely, a vacation for my mind. My brain has been on its hamster wheel going over things at a pace where I’m surprised I haven’t burned out many times over. That stops now.

So world, I’m at the cusp of experience a renaissance! And I couldn’t be more excited!

What if....

I've always wondered what my life would be like if I had chosen a different career path. Or even the same career path but a different specialization (so I guess a parallel trail).

There are just so many questions: Would I like it as much? Would I be farther along? Would I make more money? Have less debt? Would I have similar friends? More of them? Less? Would I still be in my home town? Paris?  Be a home-owner? Have a dog?  Have an iguana? Be married? Completely against relationships?

There are more but I figured I'd limit it to 14. (I care about the people). It's the stuff I think about when I'm having a jogging pants and sushi Friday night after a long and busy week.

I really shouldn't complain about where I am right now, but this seems to be the year of reflection for me. I guess I've taken to evaluating my life bit by bit and figuring out where to tweak it. Mostly because I've realised one really important thing this year: life is too short to not have stuff in it that you really want.

Like sushi and jogging pants on a Friday night. :)